Last week I celebrated six years of parenting and it felt like such a milestone. It made me reflect on my journey to this point – and my goodness it’s been a roller-coaster. Seeing my daughter and her friends at her party made me realise how quickly she’s growing up and yet it doesn’t seem that long ago I was preparing for my return to work. I was going back to a senior comms role in the NHS, working a phased return whilst my husband took his stint at daddy day care. Two week into that plan Covid-19 hit, we were in a global pandemic and lockdown was announced. My carefully planned and managed 28 hours a week became full time, I set up in the spare bedroom and my husbands three months of shared leave turned into 18 months of daddy day care as his industry (live events) closed down. Since then we’ve had the transition to nursery, graduation from nursery (I didn’t realise that was a thing), starting school (and wow those days are short!) but we’ve managed it, juggling both our jobs and lived to tell the tale.
My career has always been really important to me and I’ve always pushed myself hard so going back into the workplace as a working mum was really daunting. Moments of how will I do it all stop you in your tracks and I remember a real sense of trepidation. I was absolutely ready but unsure how being a self confessed work junkie I would integrate that with my new responsibilities as a mother. Would I be able to show up in the same way and give both jobs my focus? Did I have to? Could I strike a new balance?
If this is you right now and you’re feeling a little overwhelmed, or a slight nervousness or unease about the journey ahead, here are a few tips from me as part of my six year milestone to help you along the way.
Acknowledge that what you are doing is not easy and give yourself some credit! We are our own biggest critics and often create additional pressure for ourselves by self imposing really high standards. Cut yourself some slack because this is a roller-coaster ride of epic proportions and just when you think you’ve got it cracked – something will happen to throw it all back up in the air again! It’s happened so many times for me and the internal battle between ambition and motherhood will forever be the greatest thing you grapple with. Even with a very clear goal and a plan the most focused person will have blips along the way. Admitting that now will save you a lot of sleepless nights and angst. Make sure you write those positive affirmations and put them somewhere where you will see them every day. Keep a folder of all the positive feedback to dip into when you hit a low. Tell yourself every day how amazing you are, no matter how daft you may feel doing it.
Engage in daily positive self-talk– Your inner dialogue goes such a long way to shaping your mindset and mood. That voice inside your head is powerful, tell yourself you’re a failure you will believe it. Tell yourself you’re killing it (even when you are not feeling it) goes a long way to instilling confidence and positivity. This is really hard when you are sleep deprived, stressed, worried, busy but start to listen out for negative self talk and talk back! Change the narrative in your head and be kind to yourself.
Give yourself time to adjust – Allow yourself time to switch between work mode and mum mode. After a day of meetings, making decisions, head full of ‘business’ to dashing around after little ones is quite a step change. Being present in the moment will help you be more focused and more productive at work, and more engaged during family time without the distracted ping of a phone, or the nag of an unsent email. Try to draw a line under one part of your day as you move into the other, and find a way that allows you to be focused on the moment. It could be physically shutting down the laptop, changing clothes, switching off the phone, listening to a favourite play list. Creating clear transition periods will make it easier not too carry the baggage from your day into an argument over eating your greens or brushing your teeth.
It takes a village – The hardest thing about this one is that it requires you to ask for help. That’s not something high achieving women often find that easy to do. It’s certainly something I’ve never been very good at. My husband works away a lot, I’m lucky my parents live close and are hands on but when they are not around that’s when it gets really tough. We often associate asking for help as a sign of failure, that we aren’t capable or that we are imposing – we really shouldn’t. I’ve found over the years that people genuinely want to help but if you don’t ask they won’t impose.
Finally and this is the most important – never compare yourself to anyone else. You don’t know anyone else’s parenting or work situation and equally no one knows yours, so don’t let others have an opinion on it! You may be familiar with the expression comparison is the thief of joy, social media has made this so hard so stop scrolling, nothing positive comes from it. All that matters is that what you do works for you – from the hours you work, the work/ home schedule, your routine.
I’d love to know what you would add to this to help someone going through the transition back to work for the first time? And if you’re in the middle of it right now and finding it tough connect with me on LinkedIn and let’s talk. We’ve all got to support each other on this crazy ride!
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