This is what my six year old said to me the other day when I accidently interrupted her at story time, which is totally ironic given she interrupts all the time! But she had a point and it reminded me of a challenging time I experienced about 5 years ago shortly after I returned to work following my maternity leave.
Maternity leave is a tricky and sensitive time – more on that in another post – but parents all need to support each other in the workplace. When you go on mat leave you literally return as a different person juggling a new identity, new demands on your time and you’re back figuring it all out.
Whilst I was going through that, and in the thick of a global pandemic, working in a leadership role, I had an ongoing battle with a peer who would always make a point of interrupting me when I was talking in meetings. This often happened in departmental meetings in front of my team which was really challenging and disrespectful and I struggled to know how to handle it sensitively. Particularly as I am not one for confrontation but it was clearly an attempt to undermine me and it was knocking my confidence in a big way.
Sadly though what I experienced is not that uncommon. I see it all the time in meetings, where one or two people will speak over each other, and cut each other off. Not allowing another person to have their say or be heard. I also want to acknowledge this isn’t about getting a bit enthusiastic in a meeting it’s about how to handle a disruptive colleague who is actively undermining you in a disrespectful way.
Left unaddressed this will eat away at you and make you slightly paranoid but how do you build up the courage to tackle this head on?
Well I had a mentor at the time and they shared a cracking piece of advice:
- Wait let the person who has cut you off finish what they are saying
- Gentle ask them “have you finished? can I now finish what I was saying?”
- Pause and wait for them to answer.
It’s a sure fire way to politely make them realise that what they’ve done is not acceptable and you know what they are doing. It’s direct but honnest.
I’ve given this advice to coaching clients who have been struggling with managers and team members and they’ve used it with great success.
So next time you find yourself struggling to be heard, keep it simple but be direct and see what happens.
Let me know how you get on!
So why not give it a try.
It takes courage to speak up, but my daughter is 100% right – we all have a right to be heard, and we all need to respect everyone’s contributions. The best work you will ever do will come from a collaboration of the broadest most diverse group of people, you will not agree, and sometimes it is about sitting in discomfort and accepting another’s point of view and you never know you may learn something as well.
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